AxelJekyll and AxelHyde -STOOL TALK ALERT!
Date: Sun, 9 Nov 2003 07:57:28 -0800
From: “Coryn” <SnipSnip@…
Subject: AxelJekyll and AxelHyde
“I, for one, love reading his posts and seeing him figure it all out…and he
throws it out there for all of us to see! I have got to admire a person like
that. And Axel, what do you think?”
Your appreciation has reminded me of what happened when I started making an
effort to increase my caloric intake, cheaply, with pre-soaked adzuki beans and
white basmatic Indian rice. Even a purely bean-based dish is a high-carb meal,
though in vegetarian dietary terms it’s “packed with much needed protein!” I
find the protein in our scarce HB beans are enough to keep me going until the
next REAL type O meal. So I was eating more bean ‘n rice, staple of the poor. I
would usually make a prepared adzuki bean portion, from a cup dried, to one
quarter cup of dried white basmati rice. So 4:1 of beans to rice. Not more than
that, folks. I know, rice is cheaper and easier to make but… that’s how close
I hold protein to heart, even if it is dinky vegetable protein.
Anyway….
[STOOL TALK ALERT! STOOL TALK ALERT!]
The next day, after making a commitment to eat more beans ‘n rice, I noticed
that my poopies were nice and bulky. Beans help us to keep regular. Very
regular. Those high fiber fruits are good, too. But beans are *really* fun!
Because…
A few days after making a concerted effort to eat more beans & rice I had one of
the biggest, if not THE biggest, poops I’ve ever laid! And it didn’t even hurt,
really. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was a bit of a struggle, well, maybe not
a struggle so much as it was not only a concerted effort getting those beans and
rice INTO my body (wink wink! (maybe I’m not winking my eyes (wink wink!)). I’ve
had smaller poops hurt more, is all I’m saying. And I haven’t even been having
anal sex with those big toys I see some of those internet people sticking up
their rears. Actually, I haven’t been having ANY anal sex, period! So it was a
real accomplishment for me, having this giant adzuki poop. I might have had a
smaller fragment, but all in all I would say it had great integrity, a good
mono-poop. A one piece masterpiece. It was so big that it couldn’t lay in the
bottom. On flushing, it actually split in two and both pieces fit together to
clog the only exit. Luckily, there was enough space left for water to make its
sluggish way down the pipes into the void. Upon the second flush after the Great
Clog it threatened to overflow. The two halves of My Greatest Gastronomic
Accomplishment Ever refused to budge. I left it there overnight, because a sight
like this might only come once in a lifetime. I was truly blessed. Flush after
flush it remained. Yep, that’s ma boy! Eventually I had to take an old
toothbruth I was saving for just such an emergency, along with a rubber glove,
and manually broke up my fecal friends. <sigh
this King of Beans.
Anyone else out there with any riveting stool stories?
Recterrifically yours,
Axel O+ secretor