Blood type diet

Well,
I was cruising past my local Wendy’s today and thought of Joyce, so I
went in for a little “field research.” Boy was that scary. Anyway, I
got a copy of their nutrition facts, and I was wrong about the MSG.
Fortunately, I was able to uncover many other culprits in our search for
the source for your migraine. I will list the ingredients, and let
Thomas, Axel, and anyone else who wants to tear them up.
Mandarin Chicken Salad - (Iceberg, Romaine, Spring Salad Mix, Mandarin
Oranges, Diced Chicken)
Roasted Almonds
Crispy Rice Noodles
Oriental Sesame Dressing
Mandarin Oranges - Mandarin Oranges, Water, Sugar, Citric Acid (flavor
protector).
*Of course oranges of any kind are avoids, but you probably knew that.*

Diced Chicken - Chicken Breast with Rib Meat, Water, Seasoning (Salt,
Dextrose, Maltodextrin, Natural and Artificial Flavoring [Wheat Flour,
Egg, Soybean], Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Sugar, Fructose, Onion, Disodium
Inosinate and Guanylate [flavor enhancers]), Corn Starch Modified, Soy
Protein Concentrate, Sodium Phosphates (emulsifier), Fructose.
*Whew! And, they call this “chicken”. Ha! This “chicken” alone could
easily have been the source of your migraine. Dextrose, Maltodextrin,
Wheat Flour, Fructose, Disodium Inosinate and Guanylate (very similar to
Monosodium Glutamate or MSG and a sure source of a migraine), and Corn
Starch Modified are all nasty AVOIDS!*
Roasted Almonds - Almonds, Salt.
*Well, at least the almonds are “safe”.*
Crispy Rice Noodles - Bleached Enriched Wheat Flour (Niacin, Reduced
Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Partially
Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil (Soybean and/or Cottonseed), Rice Flour, Corn
Starch Modified, Salt, Water.
*You are no doubt as surprised as I was to discover that rice flour is
only the third ingredient in these “rice noodles” after two MEGA-AVOIDS
(BILTONG IS ANGRY!!!): Bleached Enriched Wheat Flour and Partially
Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil. The added dose of Corn Starch Modified
didn’t help matters much, and I doubt that Thiamine Mononitrate is the
greatest form of Thiamine for your body.*
Oriental Sesame Dressing (OH! This’ll be FUN!) - Soybean Oil, High
Fructose Corn Syrup, Soy Sauce (Water, Wheat, Soybeans, Salt), Water,
Sugar, Distilled Vinegar, Brown Sugar, Pineapple Juice Concentrate,
Sesame Seed Oil, Rice Wine Vinegar, Sesame Seeds, Mustard Seed, Ginger,
Salt, Potassium Sorbate and Sodium Benzoate (preservatives), Spices,
Xanthan Gum (thickener), Propylene Glycol Alginate (emulsifier), Garlic,
Calcium Disodium EDTA (flavor protector).
*(BILTONG IS ENRAGED!!!) AHEM! WELL! I seem to see a pattern
developing! A patten which resembles a cornucopia…a cornucopia of
AVOIDS!!! Here we unmask our old enemies: Soybean Oil, High Fructose
Corn Syrup, Wheat (I guess Wendy’s hasn’t yet made the switch to
Wheat-Free Tamari! ;), Distilled Vinegar, Rice Wine Vinegar, Potassium
Sorbate and Sodium Benzoate (These CAN’T be good for ya’.), Xanthan Gum,
Propylene Glycol Alginate (emulsifier and liver toxin), and Calcium
Disodium EDTA (flavor protector and known carcinogen).*
Anyway, I’m sure that’ll do it, as far as migraine causes go. In
summary, what you ate wasn’t exactly “food” (more like poison) and the
migraine was just you body’s (and BILTONG’s) way of telling you, “NO
JOYCIE! BAD JOYCIE!! NO! NO! FEED ME ORGANIC GRASS-FED BEEF, NOT
PROCESSED CRAP! BAD JOYCIE!! NO! NO!” You just needed a little help
translating is all. Anyway, BILTONG requires daily sacrifices of
grass-fed beef (in your stomach) for the next week to assuage his wrath
and bring you back into his good favor. Glad to be of service. That’ll
be $3.50. Please drive ahead. (j/k) Have a great weekend of
beef-eating, healing, and avoiding avoids (especially Wendy’s).
Cheers,
Mr. Research (Adjunct Priest to the Holy Church Of BILTONG!)

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 30th, 2005 at 7:12 pm and is filed under tips. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.